Survival Mode

I used to be a survivor.

What happened to that girl?

She was a force to be reckoned with.

She was pretty damn unstoppable.

So why am I currently frozen in uncertainty, and how did I somehow stop in the busiest of intersections?

Meanwhile, I watch others fly past me…

Are they on the right path?

Who knows, but at least they are moving…

At least they continue to try…

You can’t get anywhere unless you do.

Where do they find that drive?

I’ve been so obsessed with the question, I failed to realize the answer was so simple.

It lies directly in my line of vision, which I have momentarily allowed to be blinded…

I.

ME.

WILLINGLY,

even without being conscious of it.

Am I even allowed to be envious?

They did it for themselves.

I should be able to, easily.

Where is the disconnect?

What fine, blurry line did I cross without realizing it?

And when? I fear it was a long time ago…

I used to be a survivor , and a damn strong one.

Somewhere along the way, I shifted into “survival mode,”

mistaking it for a positive remedy to my troubles.

But is “surviving” actually a form of living,

or is it merely a form of existing?

Simply getting through the day doesn’t bring many feelings of

hope…

happiness…

fulfillment…

Being in a “mode” doesn’t leave much room to

experience,

or to experiment.

Is that not a primary part of our

journey,

of our life,

and of our purpose?

Somewhere along the way, I lost my way…

It is one of the easiest tragedies to prevent, yet one that is quite prevalent.

However,

I wasn’t born to merely exist.

I haven’t worked so hard finding myself to allow myself be lost.

I AM A SURVIVOR.

Fuck survival mode.

I have a world to change.

***quote by me :)